How to Help My Lazy or Unmotivated Child

• Structure
• Clear expectations
• Staying calm
• Being patient
• Discipline

How do I help my unmotivated child succeed?

Many of us know that temptation to scream at our unmotivated child when that child has skipped another math lesson (or any other school subject) for the third day in a row and now they are crying and wailing on the floor saying they just can’t do it because it’s too hard.

Or what about the sneaky/passive child who just didn’t check in with you and pretended to get their work done, just writing the answer “0” on every single page of their math lesson and moving on?

Yeah, I’ve got a kid like that, and some days I really do just want to pull my hair out. I’ve heard many stories of the struggles from my husband, Zach, too. It’s very trying on the nerves some days.

There may be many reasons your unmotivated child is, well, unmotivated…

As parents of a very unmotivated child ourselves, we don’t pretend to know all the reasons you and your child may struggle, but ultimately the freedom in homeschooling is that you do know your child best so you can narrow down the issues and hone in on their needs best because you know them best.

But if you aren’t sure yet or maybe just stuck in a rut wondering or feeling like you just aren’t able to figure it out, start by asking yourself these questions:

• Is your child hiding their schoolwork then calling it “lost” when asked?
• When a lesson gets difficult, do they just give up?
• Do they often say, “I can’t!”
• Is the work almost always half done or skipped completely?
• Is there always an excuse at the tip of their tongue?

For us, our youngest child…

…he struggles deeply with all of the above because he has two challenges in his life. Not only is he unmotivated but he’s also ADHD – a very challenging combo. But it doesn’t excuse the behavior, it just provides more incentive for us to help modify his life structure and motivate him.

It’s as if nothing academically excites him (which often can be the case for most children in general anyway) and very little draws fervor or zeal in him. For many months there was a lot of “lost” schoolwork searched for endlessly, entire lessons in a subject skipped, later to be followed by days of crying, staring at the same page for three straight hours and walking in circles as he tried to complete the skipped lessons.

This apparent apathy for anything school related also translated into his everyday habits- and it still does. It affects his chores, reading, even simply getting ready to go to the store. And yes, this could be personality but it’s also the intrinsic sense of motivation and energy.

Unmotivated in Life…

• What personality are they?
• What is their learning style or learning type?
• What are they filling their time with in the day to day? People? A puzzle? A game?
• What frustrates them? What excites them easily?
• What influences them and affects their stress or ability to relax?

Translating this to lack of zeal and motivation in school…

• Channel the academic activities towards their personality (are they people oriented or solitary?)
• Channel the lessons to their strengths (are they analytical or social or hands-on?)
• Are they auditory, kinesthetic or visual learners?
• Provide constant check-ins (end of day, end of hour etc.)
• Remind them of the expectation you have for the day in a concrete way
• Incentivize them with positive goals (get all 100% on tests, you can skip your journal today)
• If all else, discipline (and this is your style, your way, providing it in a safe structured way)

So what do I do? Where do I start?

Many times an unmotivated child simply needs a different approach to life and school. As you homeschool these often intermingle. It’s a natural course and flow of the day.

• Try segments of lessons (one page or one lesson at a time).
• Limit the time on one topic or subject.
• Set goals that are easy to reach – “let’s do 5 questions and then take a break.”
• Show compassion and patience, even when you don’t feel it because the child feeds off the reactions you have and will tap into your expressions and body language.
• Maybe they need you right beside them or maybe a kind word of encouragement to jump start.
• Maybe they need words of affirmation or a clear incentive.
• You might just need a mixture of many different things throughout the day.

Whatever the case, remember that your unmotivated child will change, grow and eventually succeed and prosper over time if you are proactive and positive. You may not see the results immediately but keep pushing forward! Your labors will pay off.