How to Connect & Teach your NF Child
Teaching an Intuitive Feeling (NF) Child can be an unexpected and wild ride…
Parenting is tough somedays. Teaching multiple children can be even tougher. Add in personality differences and you can easily get a wild storm of emotions each and every day. Expect the unexpected when it comes to teaching children. And the older they get, the crazier and more complicated it gets.
A sensitive child..
So, what do you do about your child who is a little more sensitive and empathetic? As a mother of a very sensitive, creative and empathetic boy, some days can be challenging. If you are an “NF” (Intuitive Feeler) like me, adaptations and adjustments for an NF child may come naturally. However, that doesn’t mean that some days aren’t more challenging than others. I have to remind myself daily that although challenging, our son’s personality is just as special and beautiful as the our other children’s personalities. He just stands out more because he’s a strongly intuitive being who feels deeply.
What society says about NF’s..
Society, environment and expectations can be a huge influence on any family in understanding your child’s personality type. Society has a weird and often skewed adaptation of what “boy” means. Cultural disjunction aside, boys are generally expected to become the strong protector of the family, supportive- and a widely popular expectation – they are expected to be emotionless. This is not always the right term or phrasing and definitely isn’t always the case. In fact, I believe society has greatly warped this term by each generation contradicting the previous generation in its idealized “man” embodiment.
Raising an NF boy in today’s world…
In current culture, a man with strong emotions may be called sensitive or he may be called weak. How do you, as a parent, raise a boy to be both gentlemanly, be a protector and yet, have emotions that are expressed in a healthy way? This is the key that I believe has been lost on many generations. It is to have healthy expression of emotions. This healthy expression can be applied to anyone.
NF’s just know how to feel…
For NF’s, emotion is just a given. It will be a powerful, often loud, and on the cuff of the sleeve expression. Teaching them how to adapt and work with those emotions is what will define who they are, not by society’s expectations or standards, -which are always fleeting and warped and not Biblically based- but by Godly standards.
An NF’s reactions are different—
- If you say “I’m disappointed” – they may cry
- If you directly urge them to “get it done!” – they may feel overwhelmed and cry
- If you shout “hurry up!” – they get mad or freeze up
- If all you do is make a sigh – they may freeze up or cry
Making choices based on emotion/feeling and not by logic —
- If you ask, “Do you want pizza or chicken?” They may respond with: “Whatever everyone else likes, I’m good.”
- If you ask, “What’s your favorite place?” They may respond with: “I like places with people.”
- If you ask, “Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know” may be a common answer.
NF’s Make Decisions Differently…
For your Intuitive Feeling child (NF), a choice is made on the environment or emotion around them. It’s likely that you may not get the same answer twice. Depending on if they are extroverted or introverted NF’s, you may get a quiet or shy response that is short or you may get a defined, yes, I like you! Either way, you will more than likely get a response based upon the situation and your tone, demeanor, relationship with them and your body language. That means that even if they never see you again, you are their favorite person, place or thing in the world because it’s powerful in the moment and they are connecting with you and what you are doing in that moment.
Their Strength is in “understanding without words” —
An intuitive person can express themselves in many different directions depending on what their other personality traits are and their environment. Usually an intuitive child will understand what is going on by gathering information from around them and figuring out the missing piece to the puzzle. Add in their uncanny natural gift of being able to “read the room” and you have a monster of emotional insight.
Their weakness is their struggle to express what they understand without words—
How do you tell someone you already get it without saying it? For NF’s “we just know” and it’s almost impossible for us to explain it. We take into account the emotions around us, the context, the body language, experiences and the overall attitude of the situation.
How to teach and help guide your Intuitive (N) Feeling (F) child –
Be patient and calm (easier said than done)
Depending on whether they are introverted or extroverted, they may need time to think of an answer.
Feeling rushed is a big stressor of NF’s. The more they feel your tension and impatience, the more they “clam up” and don’t respond or don’t want to get involved.
May times your NF may not want to share their real desire whether simple, short term or long term. That doesn’t mean they don’t have a desires, it’s just easier for them to “keep the peace” to go along with everyone else. However, if you stay open, patient and calm, they will open up too. And more than likely give you a more clear and honest answer to the question you asked. Whether it’s a simple question about what they want for lunch or what they want to be when they grow up, for NF’s, it’s all about tone.
Pay attention to your body language and tone.
Use language like “how can I help you?” and “What do you think?”
Not language of “what’s wrong” and “why not!” These stress NF’s out.
Altruism/selflessness is a key component to NF’s-
NF’s have a deep sense of inner being. Being altruistic is a key component of this personality type as well. That means that they are not “in it to win it” they are not going to focus on how to beat someone out or hurt someone at the expense of their own gain. They are committed to fairness, care and wholeness.
This altruism can sometimes come as a struggle because you want them to do their ultimate best but they may have read the room a different way.
Understanding your NF child or children is a great starting point to better teach them. Sometimes a simple change in perspective and attitude is the first step towards as better receptive child. I know in our homeschool life, it’s challenging some days and rewarding other days. It just depends on the day to day. The point is, working with your child and making small adaptations to the everyday words, actions and tone to help them learn, grow and express themselves in a safe place. What do you do for your sensitive NF child?