How to Handle ENTJ/INTJ Children:
Dealing with an INTJ Child
(Introverted/Intuitive/Thinker/Judger) (Extroverted/Intuitive/Thinker/Judger)
MBTI Website: https://www.16personalities.com/intj-personality
Do you find your INTJ/ENTJ child asking or saying…
“What is the plan for tomorrow?”
“If I do that, then this will happen.”
“That is inefficient.”
“When I’m an adult, I plan on…”
– Our 10 year old
Our INTJ Academic Monster…
…sometimes drives us crazy. Some days we aren’t sure we can keep up. He struggles to tie his shoes but he can complete algebra questions. He saved up an entire year for a game that hadn’t been released yet because he wanted the best. What do you do with a child like that? Being the firstborn child, we didn’t know any differently. Then we had our second son (ENTP and ADHD) who is the complete opposite and so our challenges began.
However, over the years we have watched our INTJ grow and change and we have adapted and learned a great many things about who he is and what makes him tick. As parents we want what is best for our children and some days we feel like we are failing.
With an INTJ child you may not feel like they are a child…
They may be called an “academically advanced” or “reserved” or even “too serious.” We have heard them all. That’s where MBTI (Myers-Briggs) personalities and The Way They Learn (learning style personalities) really help hone in and focus on gearing life to best suit your child, even if it’s just a small change.
For us, our INTJ monster (we tease him daily) is constantly questioning, constantly analyzing and constantly refining his choices and ideas. An INTJ will typically be good at math, reading, sciences or anything that they find exciting and interesting. However with that cognitive energy, it needs structure and predictability so they can have flexibility to control their surroundings within that structure and predictability. Overwhelmed yet? We were too.
Our son has been known to spout off his tentative plans of ten to twenty years in the future. This is normal for this personality. We may not always understand it, but we do our best to adjust to it because it’s who he is. You may just find some of your traits and personalities in your child.
What may frustrate your INTJ/ENTJ Child:
- Expressing emotions
- Hovering or micro-managing
- Baby-talk
- Over-simplification
- Inefficiency
- Time restraints
- Unclear expectations
What INTJ/ENTJ’s Value…
- Independence (watch out! They may not ask for help so check in with them sometimes)
- Self sufficiency
- Precise language
- Adult conversations (sometimes they won’t appreciate being excluded but they are still a kid)
- Safe space to relax and think
Some ideas that can help your INTJ/ENTJ…
- Let the INTJ child talk. A lot. They need to externally process. There are layers to their minds.
- Give them space to think (their room, a library, a work station, a comfy pillow)
- Give them a schedule/checklist and let them do it on their own timetable.
- Give them time to think and process.
- Give them words to express and explain their emotions.
- Feed their intellect with books, knowledge, data, search engines, vocabulary etc.
- Allow them to challenge themselves in an area of strength (i.e. for our son we do lessons of advanced Spelling which excites him)
- Give them warning ahead of time for planned events coming up, even a week or two away or more.
- Tell them when they get too bossy, but allow the opinions to flow in a safe place.
- Find what makes them tick – engineering, games, puzzles, research, data, STEM, etc.
- Give them access to multiple resources (i.e. library, search engines, magazines (Oyla is a favorite of ours)